You attack me again, I`ll attack back. But this time you won`t be getting back up. I`ll crush your face underneath my shoe and spit on you. I`ll wrap my hands around your neck and sink my motherfucking fingernails deep into your throat until you stop screaming then I`ll look you in the eyes and ask if you regret what you said.
Talking shit is an art form I mastered a long time ago and you`re far behind in the game. Every time you think you`re being witty by calling me a bitch, I`m laughing because you don`t make sense. Every time you say I`m ugly, I look in the mirror and smile. Every time you call me a fucking cunt, I agree. Every time you push me, I smash your face with my MAC compact.
My life is exactly what it is: MY FUCKING LIFE. So why are you pretending to be a part of it? Sorry but the DO NOT ENTER sign means YOU and I`m tired of seeing the same 14 year old faces running their mouths when they have no idea what they`re talking about.
You pretend to know everything about me when I never let you see it all in the first place. I keep myself to ME because its MINE and I`m not letting you take that away. But I will take away your dignity and I`ll eat it whole and vomit it back up. Make sure to clean up the mess.
It`s another worthless day and it`s kind of sad that I have to come back and witness more motherfuckers running their mouth. I`m glad YOU hate me because that means you`re THINKING and wasn`t that my goal in the first place? I just want you to LEARN something since YOU`RE so close-minded. Isn`t that right?
Whenever I post anything it seems I invoke a certain strange response that is shared by many, most of the time the comments I get are beautiful, well written, positive and supportive. Occasionally I will get a few that are not just nasty but so poorly written that they are embarrassing to even read.
IF CALLING ME A `BITCH` IS THE BEST YOU CAN DO, I THINK YOU TRULY NEED TO GET A NEW VOCABULARY AND INVEST IN A NEW DICTIONARY MY DARLING.
The internet is such an ugly place so filled with hate and rumors. It is what it is, and we all use it in whatever way we feel will best suit us. We all have to account for what we say. Some of us can hide behind a made up screen name. It`s easy that way. It doesn`t take much effort to find out whom someone is if we want to. Not much effort at all.
MY QUESTION IS THIS.
WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH WHEN YOU DON`T CARE AT ALL? YOU CAN`T STAND WHAT I SAY. YET, YOU CAN`T FUCKING STOP READING IT, AND WRITING SHIT ABOUT IT. HMMMMM?
YOU ARE THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM. NOT ME.
I PUT MYSELF HERE, UNDER THIS MICROSCOPE FOR ALL TO SEE AND PICK APART. MY FLAWS ARE OBVIOUS. I DON`T HIDE THEM. I COULDN`T IF I TRIED. SHOULD I APOLOGIZE FOR THINGS I HAVE SAID? DO THEY PLAN ON QUOTING ME? SHOULD I APOLOGIZE FOR MY WEIGHT/MY VANITY? WILL IT BE USED AGAINST ME?
PROBABLY. BUT IT`S WHO I AM. IT`S ME. ALL OF IT.
TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT. IT`S UP TO YOU. NO ONE IS FORCING YOU TO LISTEN TO IT OR READ IT. NO ONE IS FORCING YOU TO UNDERSTAND IT.
UNDERSTANDING COMES FROM KNOWING.
and not many people really know me...THEY JUST THINK THEY DO.
KNOW YOURSELF FIRST.
`Only a fool walks into the future looking back on his past.`
TO THE HATERS: It`s the weak ones who will always be simple to eat and kill. You seem to be so good at hating me that it`s hard to hate you back because you`re so fucking hopeless. You`re so fucking ugly. You`re so fucking pathetic.
So the story has been told and the magazine will be thrown in the trash, just like your wasted efforts to prove something that`s not even there.
Opinions with TRUTH and things to back them up are what MEANS something, not childish insults and name-calling.
You WON`T be taken seriously.
THIS IS THE END.
Some things are better left FUCKING SAID. Not unsaid.
9:19 PM
Stop adding my friends. Stop ripping my pictures. Stop listening to the songs I listen to and then make it seem like you`re the one who discovered these great bands. Stop using my phrases and passing them off as yours. Haven`t you heard? Plagiarism is punishable by law. Stop trying to be me. I find it so fucking sad that you have absolutely no individuality.
Face it honey.
you`ll.
never be.
as cool as.
me.
Everytime you steal what I`ve made, I create more. I`m a machine, but sorry sweetheart, my battery is fully charged and I`m not going anywhere.
So please. it`ll be nice if you could just.fuck.off.
7:01 PM
MSN Conversation with Aaron.
count your blessings.(him) says:
I just finished watching the vid.
count your blessings. says:
man I wanna watch passion again.
cuz you`re pretty like drugs.(me) says:
yeah it`s damn powerful
count your blessings. says:
yeah.
count your blessings. says:
did I tell you about Gibson`s cameo in the film?
cuz you`re pretty like drugs. says:
no?
count your blessings. says:
well you know when Christ is nailed to the cross.
count your blessings. says:
the hand that holds the nail in place, is Mel Gibson`s hand.
count your blessings. says:
cos he wanted to say that he himself did crucify Christ. being a sinner.
cuz you`re pretty like drugs. says:
whoa.
count your blessings. says:
yeah.
cuz you`re pretty like drugs. says:
that`s pretty wise of him.
cuz you`re pretty like drugs. says:
sending that message out to the rest.
count your blessings. says:
hmm you know. when Christ was being persecuted in front of the pharasis, it reminded me of the passage I read just last night.
count your blessings. says:
I read this daily devotionals every night. and last night`s one said, `there is no scene in all the Bible more majestic than our Saviour remaining silent in front of the men reviling him`.
cuz you`re pretty like drugs. says:
true.
count your blessings. says:
andd. you know after He died. His disciples went forth all over the world to spread the word. and they were all persecuted and killed too for doing that.
count your blessings. says:
like I think a few of them were crucified on a cross as well.
count your blessings. says:
but those few of them, asked to be crucified upside down, head below feet. because they felt inadequate dying the same way Christ died.
cuz you`re pretty like drugs. says:
woahhhhhh
count your blessings. says:
yeah.
cuz you`re pretty like drugs. says:
eh u know the era when Christians were thrown into the colosseum where they were devoured by the lions. limbs and legs torn and stuff. would u have confessed your religion then and suffer the same fate?
count your blessings. says:
hmm yes.
cuz you`re pretty like drugs. says:
daaammmnnn boy.
cuz you`re pretty like drugs. says:
are u sure?
count your blessings. says:
yeah i`m pretty sure.
cuz you`re pretty like drugs. says:
wow that`s fucken brave.
count your blessings. says:
I wouldn`t deny my God.
count your blessings. says:
I wouldn`t say so. I just think that`s what is expected of me.
count your blessings. says:
even though it is quite an extreme thing to do.
cuz you`re pretty like drugs. says:
your devotion is. speechless.
count your blessings. says:
lol I hope it is.
YES. GO DO SOME SELF-REFLECTION NOW.
8:04 PM
We went to play pool at Funky Balls at some building next to PS. Among the girls, only I knew how to play, but I still screwed up because I haven`t been playing much. I need more lessons from my dad bah! Sean & Geoffrey were really good at it though.
We had dinner after that at:
I took this picture because those colorful bottles looked really pretty in the background, but its beauty failed to show in this photo. Oh well.
Lol bad picture I know. Josie! Tsk tsk tsk.There was a live band playing while we were dining. The song she`s singing here is Foolish Games by Jewel. Don`t mind Daniel; the last face you`ll see in this video, he was getting all EMO. Lol.
Yolanda and Josie (those two girls sitting on the couch in the previous vid) made a song dedication to our group Thebes Alpha. The song was More Than Words. So sweet luh. Anyway the singer asked Yolanda to come on stage to sing the lines with her, but she was too shy! Heh.
Daniel joined us halfway through dinner. That wild party boy was going to go to a lingerie party at DXO afterwards. Kinky! Haha. We were so supposed to watch a movie after dinner, but -gasps-, the guys had CURFEWS. LMAO. I`ve never heard of guys my age having curfews in my entire life, till now. Feckin hilarious.
So Josie and I made our way to PS to shop, while the guys headed back.
Think College guys are cool? THINK AGAIN.
I L.O.L.O.L.O.L.O.V.E Thebes Alpha. :)
2:09 PM
The queue was damn bloody long when we arrived, and to my disgust, there were a lot of cheena ah bengs around. Ew. And so the waiting started. It was no surprised that there were a lot of familiar faces, since this party was extremely commercialized. You want names? Okay. I went with Yu Jin, Shane, Imran, David, Jonathan, Graham, Clifton, Glendon and his friends. We bumped into CY, Janice, Benjamin Kwan, Hui Zhi, Clarice, Ernest and company, some hai sing juniors, and a bunch of other people.
We made new friends while queuing haha, and there was this guy who looked a lot like Imran, so we started teasing them. His name`s EhSan, and he`s like, damn cute. Heh. Anyway, the bouncers were going to check for cigarettes, so the guys kept smoking frantically in order to finish them before reaching the entrance.
The wait was about 2 hours? There were ID checks at the door, so kiddies below 16 can/should/must leave. :) It was quite chaotic because it was supposedly an underage party, so many of them were desperately trying to borrow fake ICs. Aw.
The dance floor was quite small, but awesome nevertheless. Platforms were situated all around, and I like the way those little stairs are hugged around the main area. There were two bars, but no alcoholic drinks were served that night, which is a big boo.
DJ Foehammer was spinning Hip-Hop and R&B, the place was so packed, there was barely any space left to dance. The music was good, except for once when they played one Jay Chou song. I was laughing my ass off and going wtfff. Hahaha.
I bumped into Emerick and friends on the dance floor. And he`s looking good. Ahaha. Mmm. I realized that club dancing is so sexual. All those moves. Clubbers out there should know what I`m talking about. There were guys grinding girls, girls grinding girls, and GUYS grinding GUYS. Lmao.
Some people were drunk, and I concluded that they must have clubbed elsewhere before coming here, probably at DXO since there was an on-going party there too. Their speech were slurred and were basically rubbish. Very funny luh.
We were on our feet for about 3 to 4 hours, and boy did we sweat it out! Heh. The party ended at about 4am, and I reached home at about 5am, exhausted.
Haha, yah lah yah lah. Pictures!
The retardedly long queue.
Shane and Benjamin. Shane you look like a lil boy. And Ben, I know your little secret. :)
Yu Jin, Shane, Graham and David. Oops was someone cut off?
somebody, somebody, and Jeremy. Loll sorry don't know your names. Nway, can somebody say, 'Underaged?' Tsk Tsk.
David, Imran and Jin. Eeek she looks naked! hahahahaha.
Imran and Eh San. Separated at birth? Heh. I swear Eh San looks a million times cuter in person.
Dip it low! The dance floor.
Me & Jin. The picture's kinda blurry due to the smoke machines.
Shake ya Tail Feather! The party in action.
just shake that booty non-stop
when the beat drops
Just keep swinging it
get jiggy
get crunked up
percolate anything you want to call it
oscillate your hip and don't take pity
5:25 PM
In between the lecture, we watched clips of Pearl Harbor and my all-time favorite war movie, Saving Private Ryan. I couldn`t watch in peace because I`m used to having DTS and the sound system in the LT was crap. Bah.
Zoe, Josie, Geoffrey, Daniel and I went bowling after that. It`s been a while since I last bowled, and my highest score was so average, about 130+. I blame the flooring. Lol.
For those still in the dark, OG outing`s confirmed. It`ll be this Saturday, 3pm at Orchard Mrt. We`ll be doing a movie, pool and dinner, so bring enough moolah okay?
What are plans for tomorrow? Weell. Here.
See you there!11:54 PM
I missed Literature since I`ve to rushed for my interview for the course, Diploma in Communications and Media Management, at Temasek Poly. When I arrived, there were already quite a handful of people waiting for their turn. Being the chatty person that I am, I started striking up conversations with people all around me. They were all so nice! Anyway, guess who came out and called for names? Daryl David! Lol. Apparently, he was one of the interviewers.
I wanted him! But I got a lady instead; it`s alright since I kinda like her. I had already foreseen what they`ll ask, like, why do I wanna get into this course, how can I contribute to it, which area am I interested to delve into blah blah blah, so I think I did fine. I talked way too much though. Lmao. I asked her frankly my chances of getting in, and she told me it`s hard to say since they have about 60 applicants and only 10 will be chosen. I`m keeping my fingers crossed. Pray for me people!
Anyway I was among the few last ones, so when the interview was done, it sort of became like a chit-chat session hahaha. I was like, `Is it me, or is that guy -points to Daryl- familiar?` Then Daryl turned to me and said jokingly, `Ah. My cousin used to be on TV!` Heh heh. I went all like, `Nooo, it IS you!` Then we all started laughing. :)
Skipped netball today, people who read my last entry would know why. Ain, go save SRJC netball team yourself. LOL. Met up with Josie, her sister, and Zoe at Cinei after my interview to catch Nanny Mcphee. I wasn`t interested in that show, I wanted to watch Munich or Capote instead, but Josie was being a stubborn ass, so yeah.
The movie was a waste of my time and money. I kept trying to laugh in order to keep myself awake. You`ll enjoy the show if you`re, what, seven? Ok the bottom line is, don`t watch it. Simple. I forgot to mention that I caught Final Destination 3 at Lido some time last week. The storyline was utter rubbish, but I gravitated towards it because of all the blood and gore. Didn`t you love the scene where the two hot girls got fried at the tanning salon? Or when those thick, long, metal nails got drilled through the chick`s head? Heh. I`m not sick lah, I just like grisly movies caan. xD
In my opinion, it should be M18, because of the nudity and gore. Yes you can see nipples. (GEOFFREYY HAHAHA) Josie went like, `I thought they will put stickers or what.` I stared at her for like the longest time ever, giving her this what-the-hell look. STICKERS? Wahahahahahaha.
Anyhow, we went to HMV at Heeren after that, and smart people would have guessed what I bought.
YES. I FINALLY BOUGHT THE USED CD. Haha. It was a tough decision though. I was so bloody tempted to buy so many other CDs when I walked past the metal music section. Nine Inch Nails. A Static Lullaby. Dream Theater. Sonata Arctica. Hammerfall. CHILDREN OF BODOM! But that particular album costs like, $43. =(I`m happy with my buy though.But sweet people, be sweeter and get me these CDs! I`ll love you to death then. :)
Ahh. Had a pretty long day. I`m off. Sweet dreams people.
9:49 PM
I am seriously all in. My day in school started by accompanying Josie to go for H2 math lecture and then I was off for my H1 physics lecture. It was so boring that Josie, Sean and I started passing around notes. Yes you`re right; they were filled with gibberish random stuff.
After that Josie, her friend, Sheena, and I went for the Netball recruitment thingy. I think only 6 girls showed up. Anyway it turned out that the JC2s were going to have a friendly match with SJC (St.Joseph`s Convent), and we`re supposed to be prepared for the coach might put us in. I kind of panicked since it has been eons since I last played. When the opponents arrived I was like, gaping at them because they look like they`re from the C Division. So I asked one of them, and I was right! Why the hell are 18-year-olds playing against 14-year-olds?! Gawdd.
So anyway the game commenced, and umm, how should I put this? Their standard is um, let`s just say that HSC netballers can easily win them hands down. The coach put all six of us in, in the 2nd quarter. My position was GS. I did alright, except for my shooting, which was pretty atrocious. I played GK for the 3rd quarter, and I guess I did well because the coach wanted me to play GA together with the JC2s for the 4th quarter.
By then she was already asking me what school I was from and whom I was formerly under, I replied `Mr. Tony.` and she went like `Ohh. I see. Tony ah.` I went all like, Okayy. She knows him, so I can`t smear his reputation. I have to do him proud. She made me play GS again for the 5th quarter, and GA for the 6th quarter. I was literally dying ok, my stamina was so fucked. When it finally ended, guess what? We lost. Yes all together now, WAD THE FUCKKKK.
Ain, who was formerly an Eastspring netballer, agreed with me that the netball team in SRJC isn`t very driven, and they don`t encourage their teammates! How can like that? Sigh. They`ll be having another match against MI tomorrow, and I`ve a feeling that I`m going to have to play for most of the quarters again if I were to come down. Should I go? The last thing I want is to get thrashed again.
Urgh. I have never played and lost to a C Division team before. NEVER. This is so super embarrassing for SRJC lah.
Enough said. I`m joining RUGBY.
9:27 PM
Ok pictures!
The placard for our group. Thanks Emmanuel for making it!
Thebes Oiie!
Emmanuel, ma biatch.
Our dear OGLs, Timmy and Emmanuel!
Ooo look! what's that behind Chi Cheong's back? (psst. i got bored during the academic talks heh.)
Pretty self-explanatory.
He likes it. Lmao.
From left, Mildred(the crazy one), Denise (the petite and cute one), Yolanda (the loud one) and Geoffrey (the cool one). =D
Talking in the canteen. Random Vid.
Chi Cheong, also called Sean, the cute one.
Tim`s thinking- `Emmanuel as my OGL partner? gawddd noooo.` haha.
Eunice the girly one and Si Bei the awesome dancer. :)
Si Bei, Josie and me. Taken in the hall. Bored ah.
Geoffrey and the girls. Geoffrey i hate to mention this, but it's too funny to let go. Dude, I can totally see your nipples. wahahaha.
Us mucking around in the school hall.
Josie, my primary one classmate! haha. Chio lah.
Dinner was so sucky, I dunno why they're all so happy. o.O
College dance, special request, Timothy and his beloved Li Shan! hahahahaha. The OGLs had to wrestle him to the ground before finally getting him to consent to dance with her. LMAO.
Well that`s all folks!
To Emmanuel and Timothy, thank you for all your efforts and the commitment that you`ve gave to Thebes Alpha. Tim thank you for always flirting with the girls and offering strepsils to us haha, and Emmanuel, although you were pms-y on one of the days, know that you`ll always be my favorite biatch! Josie thanks for keeping my secret and humoring me when I`m bored. I would have died if not for your sweet company. Michael thank you for teaching me the college dance, I know I`m not the best dance partner around haha. Geoffrey Mildred Yolanda thank you for all the crappy games heh. To the rest of Thebes Alpha, it has been a blast getting to know you guys, sweating it out at those games, cheering our heads off together, yelling `shuuttt uppp!` to the other OGs during dinner.. Lol. You guys are amazing lah. –blows a million kisses-
Other news,
I`ll be having lectures everyday during the March holidays, bah! And netball training starts tomorrow, I hope my netball skills have not waned, or I`m pretty much fcked. The lecturer from TP called and requested for me to come down for an interview on Tuesday, so I`m pretty excited about that. But if I`m accepted into the course(Communications and Media Management) I want in TP, then I won`t be able to go back to SR, and that kinda sucks since I`ve already forged so many friendships with some really cool and awesome people. Oh well, we`ll see I guess. Okay I`m out.
Daydreaming, bed scenes in the corner cafe
And then i'm left in bits recovering tectonic tremblings
You get me every time.
Why d'ya have to be so cute?
It's impossible to ignore you
Must you make me laugh so much
It's bad enough we get along so well
Say goodnight and go.
8:42 PM
I haven`t felt like this in 2 fucking years.
11:23 PM
I tried. I really did. I told myself to go there with an open mind and to try to enjoy myself as much as possible. Even so, I can`t. Firstly, the first day of JC orientation suck, BIG TIME. The OGLs were terrible; the sportsleaders in Hai Sing could do a million times better than them. Their banners were beyond ugly, they were fugly okay. And the cheers were SUPER CLICHED caan. And the games were lame. I mean, it`s ok if it`s lame funny, but theirs were lame lame. It`s like Sec One orientation all over again, only this time much worse. There were academic talks throughout the day, and none of the teachers had personality, except for one. The rest droned on and on about the courses with absolutely no enthusiasm, which made us all restless and extremely bored.
The canteen was half the size of Hai Sing`s, and it was madness during lunch break. Literally like sardines packed into a goddamn miniature can. Their library, on a scale of 10, I`ll rate it a 2. Yes it`s that baadd. Thank heavens Wei Xiong and me bailed at 2pm to head to TP for the appeal application. The sight that greeted us at that JC office was so fucking hilarious. There were probably about a hundred of us, all trying to appeal out of that god-forsaken place. Hahahahaha. God I`m trying to think of something good about the school right now to salvage all the awful things I`ve said so far, and the most pathetic thing is that I can`t. Maybe the reason why I`m being so harsh and critical about the poor standard of the orientation is because I`ve been running events like that as a sportsleader and I do have expectations, and they just weren`t met. Oh well. Let`s hope Day Two would be better.
Other news, I`m currently watching the OSCARS, and I was frreaked out when I saw Dolly Parton. That face.. it must as well have been surgically constructed at birth. I believe she had rhinoplasty, botox, facelift, brow lift, blah blah blah. Oh You know what? Jake Gyllenhaal did not win Best Supporting Actor, urgh!!! He lost out to George Clooney who acted in Syriana. But at least Ang Lee won Best Director for Brokeback Mountain. That made me happy.
Okok, I really need to stop this bitching session. Haha.
Goodnight y`all.
11:38 PM
11:59 PM
This is a music video from one of my favourite industrial bands, The Birthday Massacre, entitled BLUE. Indulge in it.
11:37 PM